This is where we’re supposed to get help, right?
Okay, here goes: A life, blow-by-blow account of one day in my cursed life.
I’m stuck in a cupboard.
Oh good Lord.
How the hell does this sort of thing even happen? Can anyone answer that, really? I mean, yeah, okay, memories are in tact, the whole selective-amnesia most people seem to be so good at hasn’t kicked in for me yet.
More’s the pity.
I’m twenty-eight, I’m a grown-up. There is no demonic, creepy giant plant thing out there.
Except, and here’s the problem: there bloody well is! I just stuck my head out of the door, and my head was almost chewed off! By a giant flower!
Right. Breath. Come on, Steve, what would Rambo do?
Rambo would have a machete.
Rambo would launch himself from the cupboard with a heroic battle cry, and defeat the botanic menace currently ravaging his living room.
I have a broom handle and a bottle of industrial-strength disinfectant. I don’t even have an overhead light, just the light of my laptop.
Help, guys?
-broomcloset11
This happened to my buddy Steve awhile back, he managed to get at its roots and douse 'em in bleach, but he also had a shotgun. The disinfectant might work, but if you're stuck just hold in there man, if you have some food you might be able to wait it out. Unless it's tasted your blood already, if it has, well, maybe you should e-mail your mom.
ReplyDeleteDude, that sucks. Maybe you could try peeking your head out again, expect put the cleaner where your skull should be, so when it chomps down, it'll get a nice bite of disinfectant instead. I'm sure as long as it digests something like that it'll die eventually. Watch your hands though.
ReplyDeleteOtherwise, maybe you could just find a bunch of annoying youtube videos and see how it likes that.
Have you tried Googling a solution?